By L.P. LUPO 

WASHINGTON, D.C. — How do I love the New York Times?

Let me count the ways: I love its jewelry ads, slut-clothes lay-outs and floor plans for apartments, “starting” at $10.5 million in the Sunday Magazine section, which are interspersed among the hand-wringing articles on our terribly materialistic society, feminist rants and “affordable housing” whines.

I also love the Ethicist column offering left-wing politics as “ethics,” while granting situational dispensations from PC dogma if it is inconvenient to personal comfort and self-esteem.

I love the Times railing against some purported corporate tax hedge or management dodge, only to find that its parent company does the same.

But most recently, I love the newspaper’s arrogant explanation of why it just had to disclose the government’s monitoring of terrorists’ financial transactions. It decided to publish the “news” only after being “patient” with the objections of administration officials, who, rightly, are not eager to aid and abet the terrorists.

Now Congressman Peter King has called for the Gray Lady’s indictment. I say no. I say treat this increasingly loony-fringe mouthpiece like the executive branch it claims it trumps.

Let’s apply the Freedom of Information Act to its internal deliberations and to the drafting of its articles.

We should demand full disclosure of everything it does 24-7. We also should demand a list of all the people its reporters call for a Bush-bashing quote before settling on the comments of an anonymous crank or falling back on the old stand-by: “Critics say . . . ” I would be interested.

We also should encourage the small, pro-American portion of the national media to do investigative reporting on the pro-jihad inclinations of the Times. This should include following its reporters and camping out on the doorsteps of editors’ homes after they make evasive, self-serving and preposterous arguments. Require the Times editors to hold daily press conferences.

Obvious question No. 1: Which part of the jihad mission do you not understand?

Their silly excuses would be highly entertaining, plus provide so much fodder to bloggers.

Other media outlets even might consider hiring undercover operatives to infiltrate the Times news room and report its trade secrets. The public would be interested in them, which is the Times’ only threshold for publishing government secrets.

We do not need the government treating the Times like the traitor it is if we simply can get the public and the press to treat the Times like the uber-government it claims to be, as when its suspect judgment trumps that of elected officials.