By L.P. LUPO

WASHINGTON, D.C. — If I didn’t know better, I would think that the cartoon characters of Charles Schwab were the product of a class-warfare scheme by the left or even KGB agitprop left over from the Cold War.

How else to explain the wealthy, self-absorbed and self-pitying baby boomers in the Talk-to-Chuck ad campaign?

For one thing, the ads are enough to make the poor or merely less affluent want to stay that way: “Heck, I’m happy where I am. I don’t want to be rich and become this angst-ridden, sniveling fool who is overwhelmed by the mere reading of his or her growing monthly statement. I really don’t understand numbers.”

Is there a single person in the U.S., let alone one who watches the NBA and NFL games during which the ads are shown, who identifies with the creeps in the ads?

Such as: the rich white guy in the $2 million house who takes his poverty chic baseball cap off to scratch his head over the debilitating mysteries of his wealth; the woman on the ski tram in Jackson Hole who compulsively applies lip balm while whining about her riches; the pinstriped African-American consultant-type working on a steak that could choke a horse while bemoaning his lot in life; or the woman in the bedroom dressing for a cocktail party complaining that with all her responsibilities at the office and with traveling and all, she is just too busy and stressed to pay attention to her broker.

These characters all remind me of the world view of my blue-collar colleagues during my summer jobs college years. They would constantly mock the college-educated professionals who, while admittedly smart, did not have the common sense to tie their shoes, blow their noses or get out of the rain.

Now add the reading of brokerage statements and being uncomfortable with wealth to the list.

So if the ads reinforce the prejudices of the Miller time crowd and ridicule the boomers to everyone from the poor to the super rich, who are these ads designed to attract? This is where a little research helps.

If you go to the schwab.com, you learn two things.

First the former Wal-Mart of brokerage firms is based in Nancy Pelosi country. The San Francisco Bay Area is home to much of the stock- option dot.com bubble wealth of the 1990’s. Those people rightfully feel guilty and insecure.

Many of them lucked into their wealth: right place, right time. They also are predominantly Democrats. More reason for their guilt. As Democrats, they have bought into the Democrats’ “yes, but” shtick.

Yes, people are wealthier than ever, but gloom and doom is always around the corner.

Second a Schwab PowerPoint presentation explains that it is targeting the 75 million boomers because, among other things, Social Security is under-funded. Yeah, these people truly worry about the 73 cents a month they will get from Washington after they reach 65 years old.

But if you start with the Bay Area Democrat-centric take on boomers and wealth, it is natural to assume that all 75 million boomers have this neurotic combination of guilt and insecurity about their financial well-being.

So what if it makes the rest of us want to upchuck on Chuck.